here is a messy diary of my time in surgery and recovery! its a mix between ventitng and tips based off my experience so far, so im doing my best to highlight what would be most useful to someone considering/about to go in for surgery!

for obvious reasons surgery is hard, but man do i not feel like myself right now. i like to be independent and move about and get out of my bed but that just isnt an option right now and its really frustrating. i feel dirty and mushy. it sucks. i keep reminding myself that itll be worth it, and once ive recovered, ill feel mor elie myself than i ever have. i just gotta tough it out.

post-surgery depression seems to be what i was going through, its very common but temporary. if you're set on surgery dont let this sway your decision, but know that its normal and doesnt inherently mean that you made a mistake. to cope ive been making lots and lots of art, like that at the top of the page

day 4 one of my drains seems to be leaking and im really concerned :((( im so tired and i didnt take my anti depressants because theyre accross the room and i dont want to get up :( i dont wanna do anything

day 5 my drains are alright i just needed to get some goz around them. these 2 weeks are undoubtedly gonna suck. getting the drains out will make it a lot easier but man it is rough rn.
it seems like some people arent able to shower for 2 weeks post op, i was able after to 2 days. i would seriously recommend showering frequently as soon as youre allowed to. a lot of the depression for me came from feeling unclean or lazy, and showering has been very beneficial to combat that. it also helps a lot to be able to take off the dressings and get a look at the scars since its easy to feel like youve been gored just based on the pain. looking at the scars makes it all feel a lot less alien and scary. id recommend getting a belt made of some sort of plastic to hook the drains onto in the shower. it could theoretically be even just a piece of string of any normal belt, i recommend a plastic one just because they dry quickly, might potentially lighter weight, and would be much easier to sanitize; but youll be fine with anything you can tie around your waist.
something else ive been doing to combat depression is just getting up and trying to do a normal task. this has helped me get a scope for what i can actually do. this has been good to remind me that im not just being lazy, but do genuinely need the help ive been getting.

friday i got my drains out. i was expecting to have them in for another week but thank goodness i didnt have to. i was really worried one of my drains was clogged and there was song swelling but the doctor said it would all be fine. i was really scared getting my drains out, i expected it to hurt pretty bad, but it really didnt at all. its very freeing to finally have the drains out, this first week felt so incredibly long but im finally free!

today is my first day back to school. i innitially thought i would be unable to carry by backback but as long as there isnt too much in it, theres not too much of an issue, since im carrying with my back rather than my arms. i was really worried about all that i missed so its good to be back, but thankfully i dont think i missed as much as i thought. im able to (almost) shower on my own (besides adjusting water pressure.) and im able to reach the ice maker again, barely but enough to get a glass of water. my friend brought me a birthday gift, which was....... interesting............ it was a blanket of silly picture of my boyfriend that she got off temu LMAO. also another friend gave me a donut so that was fun :3 recovery feels a lot longer than it is. i only have a week left in the binder and soon il be able to fully celebrate my birthday and other activities and such!